tomoyoatari's Xanga

Monday, June 01, 2009

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:13:56 GMT

those stupid little girls.
those stupid naive girls. the ones you see in the movies. the ones that are tragic. the innocent ones you feel for. the ones that believe. the ones that end with happily ever after.

but that's why there are movies. the idea of this fantasy fairy tale is as close as we can get away from the reality.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

so stop telling me to believe.
stop telling me to be that naive girl.
stop telling me that there are such things as faith.
stop breaking my barriers.
stop making me doubt my own principles.
stop giving me that fragment of hope.

there are no such things as exceptions. so stop telling me you're mine.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Tue, 05 May 2009 06:33:13 GMT

having an impatient person waiting is like dying.

people wait because they know that eventually, it'll get to them.
people line up because they know that you have no choice.

whats my motivation if there is no hope.
i choose to wait. yet i had a choice not to.

what am i waiting for that might not even come. what am i trying to accomplish.

day by day, i sit here and wait for this unpredictable, misunderstood thing.
there's no way of telling if the line has moved. theres no way of knowing whats lies in the end.

distractions are just ways of killing time. i used to want so much time. i couldn't get enough of it. life was constantly running so fast and i needed it to slow down. now i just lie here. waiting. one day after another. rotting away.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:37:18 GMT

i have to beat this.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:04:14 GMT

music. they take you back to a time when memories were made.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
can something you've never heard of because take you back to times where you've lingered?
something about those strings of notes. the melody that flows not only thru your ears but into your soul. it makes you shiver as each sound resonates a time. a place. a moment. and then it stops. you shake out of your thoughts. and back into reality. then you realize that everything you had just felt is from the past. until the repeat function on your wmp activates again. and your back. this time, you feel your heart racing. your eyes are closed. your head is down. you let the music carry you like a rush of current. the water is warm and you're floating. you are weak. both happiness and sadness intertwine. you're confused, but you don't want it to stop playing. these thoughts, these feelings. no matter how painful, its better than not feeling at all. your eyes starts filling up. you wish. you hope. you long for. but you know it was never there to begin with. a time when you were naive to cruel emotions. you blink, tears fall. but for what. for who. no one. and no one knows. you listen. i anticipate for the last note. it ends. you open your eyes.

library.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:42:50 GMT

blahblahblah.
sometimes you can be so easily motivated. then the next moment, you feel that all is lost.
what do you do to bring the spark back?
i need motivation. a goal for me to reach. something to aim for. something realistic.

after 4 months at the swinging gate restaurant you are told that due to low business you are going to be laid off. what options does the manager have regarding your severance and what would be his best option and why?

fuckin' human resource management.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 06:09:06 GMT

first day. whitespot. temporary.
CAN'T WAIT. for next week.
being a noob feels so sadd.
-------------------------------
drowning yourself in work and friends and school and food and music is a good thing. <3

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 07:06:50 GMT

hot n cold - {kate PERRY}
--------------------
you FREAKIN'suck. and they say girls are hard to read? HA!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 03:32:48 GMT

you think YOU feel "..." what about me huh? do you have any idea what the fuck i'm going thru. no of course not. because you don't know shit. and that's the way i planned it. but GOD. i deserve to rant and rant and rant because you don't know all this is happening. and you're better off. sometimes i just want to think that you are feeling the same. but you're not. sometimes i like to imagine that you're just as frustrated as i am. but this is no KOREAN drama. after all this time. i thought about it. you're not going to know. everything will be back to normal soon. right?
of course. the random.com. coin flip told me. it told me not to tell oyu. and just go back to the way things are. who cares about taking chances. who cares about risks. it's what's safe that matters right? but this is so unlike me. everyone only started because i took a risk. i took a chance. can't the cycle continue? no. cause it will keep cycling and never end well. why can't i just forget about you. i want to go back. why did i choose to text you of all people that night. if i don't go back, i will regret it. and if i don't do it soon, everything will be gone. i can see it slipping away. and i don't want it to. i don't know if it's because i want it, or that i just can't bare to see someone else have it. my frnds. i don't want to burden you guys. i know thru-out this whole time, you guys wer ethere for me. and i can feel that you're getting sick of it cause it's not resolving itself, nor am i looking for ways to do it. the world is so messed up. count up all the ways you've changed me. and i will explode. all my principles that i have broken. i will go insane. sometimes i create drama because i watch too much of it. i think that every story has to have a crazy climax, and then happily ever after. but life is not like that. then why do i keep making things dramatic, while they just hang or fall the opposite way? it just comes back and hits me in the face. this is what's happening. this is karma. all the people that have gone thru thisbecause of me, and now im going thru it with double the pain. i secretly knew i was hurting you guys, but i kept going cause i'm an aweful bitch. you guys were just small characters in my drama, even though you thought you were playing the lead role. it was trick. you guys suffered. and now i'm suffering. in dramas, you will feel the same way. and neither of us will say anything. and it can go either way. i will go back, and you will realize. or we will be together. happily ever after. in reality. i will not say aything. you will still ignore me. i might go back. and we will be friends. or i will not go back. and we will be friends. who knows. deep down, i really want you to know. so then i can tell myself that i have no chance. we are friends. nothing more. but i don't want to change that. once again. im not taking risks anymore. this is not kristy anymore. she had survive thru so much. made a character of herself. built a reputation. and now, she's dying without even knowing. i dont' want her to. maybe i should quit everything and start as michelle. i mean, i can right? anyone can. because i will never know who i truely am. i will only put a little bit of myself into every character that i play.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 09:18:18 GMT

i want both.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 02:59:28 GMT

{"feels like i'm standing in the middle of the room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up"}
- rose, titanic
-------
i was asked what love is today..
-------
its when:
you can't stop thinking about one person.
you just always want to be around them, regardless if it's just a frnd thing.
you care for them when they're bummed, and go out of your way just to make them feel better.

you want nothing more than their happiness to satisfy yours.
you try your best to come up with ways to help them get their crush.
you accidentally trip and like it when they catch you.
you secretly like the way they smell.
you count up all their flaws and know you can probably handle them.
you spend countless sleepless nights starring at the ceiling.
you hold onto your cellphone when you spend those countless sleepless nights starring at the ceiling, hoping for some kind of vibrating motion, though you know it's already past 4.
you laugh at his jokes, even though it's beyond lame.
you get these queezy feelings and nothing seems to function normally.
you question what love is.